So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
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then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
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We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
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