She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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