A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
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I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
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I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
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