my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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