He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
oh god was she eating orange peels again
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It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
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