i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize