the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
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They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
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so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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