I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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