My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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