She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
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And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
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Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
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He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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