bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
oh god was she eating orange peels again
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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