Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
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