I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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