you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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