I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
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One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
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So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
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