hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
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Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize