I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
