so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
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I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
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