So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
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Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
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I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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