no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize