And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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