i already hear my dad disowning me
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
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I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
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We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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