You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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