Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
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He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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