His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
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"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
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Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
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