At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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