I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize