Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize