my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize