dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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