hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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