just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
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I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
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I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
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