i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
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This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
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I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
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