if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
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Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
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New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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