Can Purell be used as lube?
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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