Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
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This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
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Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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