Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I need to align my fucking chakras
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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