I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize