He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
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She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
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I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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