i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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