9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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