A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
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Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
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Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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