My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
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