You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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