don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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