Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
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There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
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You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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