wat bout pragnant strippers??
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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