Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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