Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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