If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize