he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Sober January is a disaster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize